Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
