can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
