im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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