I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
