Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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