It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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