i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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