ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
