He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
