How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
