I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
