this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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