would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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