I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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