It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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