if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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