We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
