Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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