maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
