She announced her abortion via fbk
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize