I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
why is half of my head shaved?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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