so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
