Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
