he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
