Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
