we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
