He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize