I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
