I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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