Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she peed on how many people?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
