last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
