my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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