So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
