We're facebook friends in real life
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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