I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
