I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
