Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
