You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
