Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
