I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
