Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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