im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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