nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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