saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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