arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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