i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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