I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
