I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
