I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
