So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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