You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
