Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize