Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
