party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
