so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
