I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
