watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
