Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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