Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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