I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
