You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
