Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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