You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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