I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
birth control should be required to get into college
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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