At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
