She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
