hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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