I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
