To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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