so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
