He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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