worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
