please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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