watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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